


Unjustifiable

by Arcane_Angel



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Blood Drinking, Blood and Violence, Blow Jobs, Dark Past, Denial of Feelings, Dom Sebastian Michaelis, Dubious Ethics, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Hand Jobs, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Nature Versus Nurture, Past Abuse, Pining, Slow Burn, Smut, Sub Ciel Phantomhive, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:27:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21828187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arcane_Angel/pseuds/Arcane_Angel
Summary: What do you do when a demon tells you he is in love with you?You run away of course.
Relationships: Sebastian Michaelis & Ciel Phantomhive, Sebastian Michaelis/Ciel Phantomhive
Comments: 21
Kudos: 154





	1. The bloody tea cup

**Author's Note:**

> Oof~ so this is my first kuro fanfic, so I hope it's decent! I'll attempt to update from time to time. And for anti purposes, "No I don't condone this kind of yada yada, wtf ever." 
> 
> You know what you're here for ;)

The sight was one the demon would always cherish, even in another thousand years when everything from this time was burned away, and perished into dust. He could never tire of the delightful picture of this imperious human boy, with busted knuckles, pridefully sipping on his earl grey and leaving a crimson impression of his perfectly split lips on the rim of the tea cup. Oh, he was beautiful. 

“What are you gawking at?” the young earl snapped.

“Forgive me sir, however I couldn't help but notice your lip is bleeding again. Shall I get ice for it?” 

“Fine.” The boy said, bitterly waving his hand, as if shooing a fly away. Though in reality, the boy needed Sebastian out of the room so he could think. 

“Right away, my Lord.” Sebastian bowed, and exited the room.

Ciel sighed, setting the cup down on the saucer, and with much distaste, observed his own blood decorating the porcelain dish. All he could think about was the pleased look on Sebastian's face and it made his stomach churn. He immediately slid the refreshment towards the edge of his desk, far, far, away from him. 

He stood up to look at the snow outside of the window, and debated on whether or not to say anything today.

Over the last few weeks, months really, the earl noticed tiny little changes in the demon's behavior, and it constantly put him on edge. Ciel noticed the demon watched him a bit more than he used to, and would stare at him with eyes like a feral creature; predatory and starving, but differently than he used to. Sebastian seemed to linger seconds longer than necessary, serve his favorite teas more frequently, and once, had even succumbed to giving the boy a piece of cake before an important dinner. That was perhaps the most alarming of Sebastian's quite alarming behavior. 

At first he thought it was because he was getting close to completing his revenge. That perhaps, Sebastian wanted Ciel to indulge a little in the final days that he had left, but it wasn't the case. In fact, currently, they weren't much closer to completing it than three years prior. His life was safe for the moment, which inevitably had him thinking that maybe it was he, who had been imagining all of this. But no. It was definitely Sebastian. There was something different in the way he looked at him, and he didn't understand why, up until a week ago, when an absurd theory embedded itself within the boys mind. Naturally, Ciel wanted to test his hypothesis. When Her Majesty sent a letter, asking him to diffuse a child sex ring a week ago, the Earl thought it would be an opportunity to see if his theory was correct about Sebastian. Although he didn't get an answer, he did discover something quite peculiar. 

When Sebastian returned, he entered to see the Earl standing with his hands folded elegantly behind his back as he seemingly peered out of the window, lost in thought.

“Leave it on my desk.”

“very well sir,” the butler said, placing the cloth filled with ice down, noticing the shoved aside refreshment. 

“I'm finished with it.” Ciel explained bitterly; his perpetual pout unmoving.”You can take it away now.”

“Of course my Lord.” The demon said.

Sebastian sensed his master's unease, though he couldn't imagine why. The little earl had been kidnapped multiple times, and injured far worse, so when the boy prematurely ordered Sebastian to save him, the demon suspected there was more to the story than his pathetically poor excuse of “being bored of the game”. His master had even ordered him to burn it all down, thus ending the investigation completely. 

“My Lord, forgive me, but I cannot help but notice your mind seems preoccupied. Is there something troubling you?” He asked, placing the half consumed refreshments back onto the serving tray. 

The earl turned to his butler, brows narrowed, “You, Sebastian.” 

The demon blinked, genuine confusion playing at his face as he thought about what he could have possibly done to offend the charmingly, vexing brat this time. “Have I displeased you, my lord?” 

Sighing, the boy looked away from the demonic gaze, and back out the window, watching the cool wind rustle through the tree branches. “No.” He said in a much more gentle tone, “No, Sebastian, I've learned long ago to accept your peculiarities, however I can't help but feel as though you've been acting unusual as of late.. ”

The butler remained silent, and stood firmly as he listened. 

“I've noticed it for some time now… however, this recent case had me thinking… Those men who kidnapped the children for those perverted animals said something that rubbed me wrong when i was undercover. They said that I, “was a treat that they would surely salivate over,” and I couldn't help but think of you, Sebastian, and the way you lust for my soul…” The boy chuckled darkly, “but when I arrived to the cellar, and the announcer began his opening bid for me, I looked around at all of the faces staring back at me. Do you know what they had in common? They all had the same, lustful, barbaric, desire in their eyes.” Ciel turned to face the demon, with a stiff expression. “Do you know why I am telling you this, Sebastian?” 

“No sir.” 

“They looked at me the exact same way you do now.” 

The dark hint of a chuckle emerging from the butler's chest managed to give the little Earl chills. “Indeed, though I can assure you that what they wished to taste from you, was certainly not your soul.” He grinned softly. 

Hearing Sebastian so easily say such a thing made Ciel’s cheeks burn, and he visibly flinched, rather astounded at the indecency. “Yes, of course…” the boy said, deciding to dismiss it for now, though he still looked at the demon like a kitten backed into a corner, as he slowly sat back down at his desk. He finally pressed the ice to his puffed up and bloody lip, worrying about the way the demon avoided the confrontation. 

Sebastian left the room with the cart, and once the kitchen doors closed shut, with his eyes ablaze, the demon downed the rest of the tea in the boys cup, and slid his tongue over the bloody stain that lingered on the porcelain rim, blissfully licking it clean as his eyes smoldered. 

The devil smirked and couldn't help but chuckle again. He knew Ciel knew, and he had too much fun dancing around his questions, and seeing him get more aggravated. It interested him immensely, and he wondered what the boy planned to do once he learned the truth. How would he react? For once, the demon was unsure about his lords next move, and if he was being honest, it was rather exciting. 

Glaring down at the cloth filled with ice, Ciel couldn't help but wonder. “Was that your answer then, demon?” He said quietly in the emptiness of the room. The devil was cunning, and it was painfully obvious how entertained he was by Ciel's little comparison. 

There was no more talk of it for the rest of the afternoon. Ciel minded his business, mostly brooding over his demon, and Sebastian carried out his duties with a charming grin, knowing fully well the little Lord was plotting their next encounter. It wasn't until evening that Ciel decided he would push the conversation from the day further, and it felt best to be done in the sanctity of his room. 

When the boy declared it was time for him to retire, his heart pounded the whole way down the hall. He could feel Sebastian's eyes on him as he walked, and chose to ignore it all the way to his bedroom. 

The little Lord pondered the entire time Sebastian took off his clothes about what it would mean if his theory was correct. If his suspicions were right, then that meant Sebastian probably enjoyed removing his clothing more than he should, and the boy was thoroughly bothered at the thought. How dare Sebastian get pleasure from this- without his knowledge or consent. 

The prideful little thing worked himself up over the thought, and he abruptly asked, “So, when you look at me like that, it's because you only want my soul, right?” 

“Pardon?” Sebastian was momentarily startled by the question, or perhaps too engrossed in his task to register what had said. 

“What you said earlier, demon!” the boy spat out impatiently as he flopped onto the plush bed. 

“Ah, that,” the demon merely smiled, It should have been “yes” however, he couldn't lie. Although it was true that he lusted for his soul immensely, it wasn't his only reason. He didn't just crave his soul. Not “only”. There was something else he craved, and his little Lord knew it fully well. The tent of red on his cheeks gave it away. As always, his young master was astute in his suspicions. 

The demon's hesitation to answer only served to make Ciel impatient. His nearly, fully wide eyes expressed that clearly. “Well, Sebastian?” 

Sebastian sighed, and understood fully well that there may be a dramatic change in their relationship following the words that would leave his mouth. “My Lord, I would be lying if I simply said yes. “ he began, trying to word it without alarming boy any further. “Do understand that I am a demon, and although you're soul is my primary target of desire, it is not my only one. You've become something particularly special to me.”

Ciel’s heart raced at the sudden rush of information. He was silent for a moment as he stared at his demon with a mixture of horror and intrigue playing on his face. Although Ciel believed he already knew the answer, he couldn't help but ask anyway. “...Are you saying what I think you're saying? Do be frank, Sebastian.” 

“You're assumption is correct, my Lord.” Sebastian grinned, his expression soft and sincere. He approached the young boy carefully, as if trying not to frighten off a startled baby deer. He kneeled before him, taking the boys soft hand into his own, looking deeply into the boy’s sapphire eyes with his ruby ones. “You're body and soul are devine. I desire them both immensely… ”

Ciel glared at the demon with disgust,“So your change in behavior, is it somehow linked to this newly discovered attraction you feel for me?” 

“You could put it that way.”

“Tell me the truth Sebastian!” The boy shouted, jerking his hand away from Sebastian's as his gloved hand tried to caress it. “I'm tired of fooling around!”

Sebastian sighed, rather annoyed with the child's persistent shouting. “Truly, my Lord I never expected it to come down to this, let alone outright telling you” the demon began. And honestly, he was rather confused himself. He'd gone through a variety of thoughts and feelings trying to process the strange sensation in his chest when he saw the human boy. It wasn't natural for a demon to feel this way. Sexual desire was one thing, however this? It was unheard of. 

The demon first noticed it one morning when the boy was still sleeping, and he was having some sort of nightmare, perhaps sexual in nature, from the way his body moved. It must have been from his time in that dreadful place. The boy whined and pouted so beautifully, and the sounds he made in his sleep sent an unexpected wave of lust through Sebastian. Impure thoughts of the little charge coursed through his mind. At the time, he just stared and watched for a moment, shocked that he was thinking how he may soothe his master with his lips and tongue instead of waking him with a gentle tone. In the end, he chose the latter, since it was the most appropriate, given his role as butler, and when the boy’s gorgeous, frightened blue eyes shot open, and frantically looked around, they were immediately comforted by the sight of the demon staring right back. Sebastian could see the huge amount of trust on display by this tiny human, despite everything they had dealt with up until this point, and it touched him in a way that it hadn't before. He felt a sharp jolt of something shoot down his chest, completely taking his breath away. He was alarmed by the unusual sensation, but thought nothing more of it since the boy demanded a hot bath, then and there, (which essentially confirmed the demon's suspicions about the unfortunate dream.) 

It happened again no later than the very same day, when Sebastian dressed his Lord for bed, and the boy had asked him to stay in the room until he fell asleep. Even when he did fall asleep, Sebastian didn't leave. In fact, he risked doing something unthinkable for a butler, and sat on the master's bed beside him, and watched as he slept, occasionally daring to slide his fingers through those lovely blue-grey locks. It gave him a sensation similar to when he gave affection to a cat, only this felt.. much better. Perhaps it was that thought process that lead him into trying to get more chances to get closer. Like befriending a stray cat- he bribed him with treats, care, and a promise to pamper. It didn't take long for Ciel to come suspicious, but he rather enjoyed the treatment, which was probably why he never said anything prior. 

“I suppose i should begin with telling you that even I am a bit shocked about what I've discovered..” the butler paused, “I seem to have fallen in love with you my lord.”

“Love?” He asked, incredulously. 

Sebastian blinked awkwardly, "Yes, well, according to the material I have read about the subject, as well as having several lifetimes of experience, love is the closest term I've found to express how I feel towards you." The demon attempted to explain, though being a demon, he didn't exactly "feel" the same way as a human does. He wanted to keep him alive and together and all his just as badly as he wanted to tear him to shreds and bask in the decadence. 

Ciel scoffed. The absolute absurdity! A demon, in love with a human? The boy nearly laughed at such a profound farce, and maybe cry a bit too. He would have if it hadn't have been for the dead serious expression on his butler's face. The demon was forbidden to lie to him and the realization of Sebastian's daunting confession set in. 

He was serious? 

Oh God, Sebastian was serious 

What do you do when a demon confesses his love for you? 

You run, of course. 

Ciel bolted from the room, halfway expecting Sebastian to appear in front of him at any moment. He darted down the stairs, heart pounding and body shaking, missing his ditzy maid by inches, as he forced his way to the door. 

He ran to the outskirts of the garden, and then to the woodlands.

Gasping, out of breath and shaking, Ciel found himself hidden away, to no prevail. He knew Sebastian could find him whenever-wherever he wanted to. In fact, right now Ciel's soul was calling out to him more than ever. It's sort of cruel in a way, Sebastian's primal instinct, aching down to his core that his little master was in distress and yet he knows he was the one who the master is running from.

Sebastian is- was- the one being within the realms of the living or dead that the boy both trusted and feared the most with his life, so what can he do but crave his butler's presence though it was he who scorned him?

How could a beast from hell fall for a godforsaken lamb like him? A foul, merciless, cruel, cold hearted demon, confessing that his desire for a mere human is about more than his soul? It's unthinkable, the boy thought. "Utterly unreasonable!" He huffed angrily while traipsing through the bitter cold. All those bloody sickening times that demon looked at him with such want in his eyes- those rare kisses to his head through the bath towel! He knew all he wanted was to consume his soul, not taste his body along with it! Though he should have at least expected that much! He was a demon after all! 

Since that day they had first met, Ciel tirelessly reminded himself that Sebastian was a selfish demon who wants to kill him in the end, and it was pointless to form some sentimental attachment to him. He forced himself to shove down those hopeless, childish, pathetic feelings because he knew his death would be made by the man who protected him. Save the pain of humiliation by the likeness of him. Don't be falsely coddled by a creature who wants nothing more than to tear you apart- that is what he told himself again and again until it was law!

He never once even remotely considered the demon's actions to be anything other than his commitment to the contract and his selfish need for his soul! The Sebastian Michaelis, omnipotent, unmatched in power and pride, a demonic creature from the depths of hell, claiming that he had fallen in love with a human? A boy at that! 

What purpose could falling in love with your prey even serve? How was that possibly beneficial for a demon? We're they not heartless for such a reason, so they could go unburdoned by taking the lives of humans? Could Sebastian be capable of feeling love? After all, he did say he felt things differently than humans, so it was likely that love may not even be the correct word for him to use. However, he had never seen Sebastian so uncertain in saying something before... Ciel had so many questions, and each possible answer he imagined only wound up making him more frustrated. If he truly loved him as he claimed, wouldn't it hurt Sebastian to kill him in the end? 

Out of everything that crossed his mind, it was that, which caused him to pause in his tracks. 

"Good." He murmured with furrowed brows. If he had anything similar to human feelings, let them hurt for all eternity for killing him. 

Ciel eventually lost his frustration with the curses he mentally tossed towards his butler, and now he was more frustrated with himself than anything else. Why was the lord Phantomhive pathetically shivering in the snow, hiding from the man sworn to protect him? It wasn't as if he could act upon his perverse desires anyway. He wouldn't dare touch him without an order. 

Finding some comfort in that logic, he managed to relax a bit. Sighing, Ciel finally collapsed onto the snowy ground. He rested his head against the tree in the forest as he caught his breath. Despite the relief in his burning muscles, his body was freezing. He knew it was far too cold to be outside, let alone in nothing but his sleep shirt. 

As he sat and thought for an immeasurable amount of time, he began to feel much warmer. His eyes felt heavy, and his mind grew fuzzy. A bad sign, surely, but for now all he focused on were the patches of evening sun gleaming through the trees on the white landscape. He'd never realized how beautiful the snow was until now, as it sparkled like billions of tiny shards of glass caught in the light of an inferno. Being so caught up looking at the individual flakes beside him, it was impossible not to see the pool of red trailing out from his side, and melting the ice crystals. 

Blood. For a moment he had to strain to remember that those stitches that Sebastian had so carefully crafted must have been torn to shreds when he ran. He'll have to have that mended for sure, if he doesn't die of hypothermia first. He chuckled darkly. He wondered how badly Sebastian would mourn if he died out here and it was his fault. 

As nonchalant as he was seeing the crimson, and enjoying his twisted fantasies, two sudden, apologetic words caught his ear.

“My lord.”

The fire within the boy reanimated immediately. 

“Sebastian” he spat out angrily, more embarrassed than anything else. “I did not order you to come here! Why did you follow me?!" 

" I came because i wished to. You are still injured from your last orders from the Queen, and having you out here in such a state is dangerous to your health" he said matter of factly, as if it was just any other occasion."

Despite feeling the humiliation of hiding from his man servant the pressure in his chest raised from seeing his butler's crimson eyes shining at the sight of his blood. 

At once Sebastian was beside him, attempting to lift the little Earl, "Dear me" he tisked, as if getting more of this boys blood on his hands was inconvenient for him. "I must take you back at once. It appears you've ripped your stitches." 

"Unhand me!" Ciel pushed away from him, rolling over in the bloody snow wearily. "I can walk on my own!" 

"Without shoes my Lord?" 

The utter resentment Ciel felt must have been portrayed clearly enough on his face, and Sebastian understood no help from him was wanted as the boy began to walk shakily back towards his home. Sebastian followed silently, although Ciel could tell his demon was concerned. 

It was unbearable on foot now that his feet hurt horribly and was physically exhausted. He knew having Sebastian carry him would have made things much easier, and it was dangerously stubborn that he didn't allow it. Ciel's body was far too cold and numb to feel himself moving, or the shallow knife cut in his side, but he could feel the wet warmth of blood seeping through his shirt, an admittedly, annoyingly familiar sensation. 

Sebastian, on multiple occasions offered Ciel his coat, to which the stubborn boy repetitively declined, his foolish pride unwavering. He was out of breath, and getting dizzy from a mixture of exhaustion, and numbness spreading throigh his body. It began feeling more heavy with each step he took. What happened was completely preventable, but his determination to stay away from the demon worked against him, and as expected by Sebastian, the boy eventually passed out. 

Sebastian tisked once more, catching him before he hit the ground. "At least you'll be easier to carry this way" he rolled his eyes, and cradled him to his chest as he quickly sped off to the mansion. 

Ciel woke up naked in his room, lying on his side and felt a familiar pressure on his hip along with a painful sting. “Ah!” he gasped, immediately trying to escape the force holding him down. 

“master- please refrain from moving. Sebastian’s voice alerted. “You'll tear your stitches again if you continue to do so. You're skin is torn rather badly from the previous stitches being ripped out, so it requires much more care to keep these in place.” 

Sebastian's voice was comforting to the boy in most times, however, given the new situation , he felt exposed to the butler in ways he never had before. He groaned softly at the pain of having the needle slide through his skin once more. “Dammit Sebastian!-” he cursed.

“ My apologies, my lord. I did wish to complete the stitching while you were passed out to avoid unnecessary burdon, but it seems that won't be the case. The skin is rather inflamed, and I'm worried it is infected ” The butler sighed, “ If you hadn't gone sprinting off, this wouldn't be necessary. “

Ciel shot the demon a hateful glare. “It's your fault I ran to begin with- saying such things to your master!” He cringed, shoving his face into a pillow to prevent making a sound as he felt the sharpness pierce him again. 

Sebastian watched the little earl squirm much to his delight. His body was glistening in a cold sweat, and couldn't help but shiver from the pain. The demon wanted to lick the pain away as he inflicted it. “Only because you asked, my lord. Did my answer displease you?” 

The boy pouted, and shut his eyes to brace himself for another stitch to go through. “mm-! Don't speak of such things while I'm naked in my bed-!” He gasped, clenching the bed sheets tightly. He looked up at Sebastian's face, noting the hint of a sadistic smile. “You're enjoying this, aren't you, bastard?!” 

Sebastian chuckled, “Perhaps.” 

As expected, Sebastian looked as calm and collected as ever while Ciel glared at him from the side, all watery eyed and hurting all over. His fingers and toes were stinging. His head hurt. His butler was digging into his open wounds. Over all, the Earl had seen better days.

Sebastian used his medical tweezers to take out the last few broken stitches from the boys hip and side, and working quickly to replace them. The Earl winced, and tried not to squirm, but it was unbearably painful for the smaller male. Even so, he bit his lip and endured it. He wished he did this while his skin was still numb from the cold. 

The pain subsided momentarily when Sebastian graciously wiped a damp cloth over the wound to clean it, making the boy exhale sharply.

Ciel, taking the opportunity of the moment, asked “How long was i out for?”

“About twenty minutes. Once you passed out, I carried you back home, warmed you back up, and took the liberty to attend to your wounds..again .” 

Ciel's skin felt prickly at the thought of Sebastian "warming him up", and he dropped the conversation entirely. 

Sensing his unease, Sebastian spoke freely, "My Lord, if I may, l never expected you to ask me a question about such things, so I never anticipated on having to answer in regards to my interest in you. Though I will have to admit, I never expected you to run away from me after I told you either“ he said, chuckling lightly while blissfully stitching up the boy's torn skin. 

“Damn you…” Ciel bit out, trying to withstand the rest of the pain of Sebastian’s medical work. “what was I supposed to do? When a grown man- a demon confesses his desire for me- a human child?”

" You really do enjoy using that excuse when it's convenient for you, don't you?" 

"An excuse!? It's true!" 

"Oh is it now?" Sebastian chuckled at his anguish," And after all this time of you telling me you aren't one… No matter though, my feelings remain the same. " 

Ciel was taken aback by the proclamation. It sent chills through him. “You are vile. shut up and finish this,” the boy ordered, eager for this pain to stop. 

Eventually It did stop, but his tremors didn't for several more minutes. The poor Earl’s body ached all over, and he was so disoriented that he couldn't sit up. He could only lay there under the blanket, wanting nothing more than sleep to claim him. Sebastian was picking up his tools when the thoughts poured out of the master’s mouth softly. 

“How would this work for you Sebastian? “ he began again, more composed than before. 

The demon gave his master a questionable look, “what do you mean, sir?”

“ Our contract. Do you want my soul badly enough to kill me, the person you love, immediately after my revenge is fulfilled or do you tend to draw out my desire for revenge as long as possible, keeping me alive and in the flesh longer for you to love? Either way you've sworn to kill me…” 

Sebastian’s frown was genuine. Neither. He didn't want them to part. Ciel's body was just so small, porcelain perfect, and stored such emptiness on the inside, like a china doll. He wanted to dress the doll, bathe it, caress it, play with it, until it shattered completely, and even then, he didn't want to let it go. He wanted to keep him forever, in pieces if he had to. Let him be his toy for eternity. He never wanted to let him go, but his master was correct... he was bound by the contract to kill him. A sharp pain hit him in the chest at the thought, though he remained as calm as possible. “do you have a preference, sir?” He finally asked in return.

Silence fell between them again. 

“Not anymore…” Ciel admitted. “Before this, all I wanted was to get my revenge so you could eat my soul as soon as possible. I mean, what is there to live for? I don't care about anyone- not really. The only person I trusted completely, without fear, was the one person who couldn't wait to tear me apart so I thought I would get it all over with.“ he said, finally gaining the courage to shift his body to the side, facing his butler. 

“And how do you feel now?” Sebastian asked. 

“Like sleeping." He deflected.. 

Sebastian sighed, though couldn't object. And at long last respected the master's wishes. "Yes, my lord."


	2. Doubt thou the stars are fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ciel doubts Sebastian's love

Ciel slept very little that night. His thoughts were wavering towards getting up to interrogating the demon further about his supposed "feelings", but his body ached too much to get up. By now, the moon had risen high into the sky, and the little Earl stared at it through his window. He tossed and turned, wincing each time from pain, until he eventually had enough and sat straight up. 

"Sebastian." He called into the darkness of his room. It didn't take long before the butler rapped on his door.

He gracefully walked in, illuminated by the candelabra he carried, "Are you having trouble sleeping, my Lord?" 

Ciel looked no less weary than when he put him to bed. "I have too many thoughts going through my mind." 

"Could I bring you some warm milk ?" Sebastian offered, though the Earl shook his head. 

"I feel as though I won't be able to sleep until I get more answers from you." 

"I see." Sebastian said as dread filled his stomach. "You won't run away this time, will you?" 

A pout formed on the boy's face, "As if I could in this condition." He huffed, crossing his arms and looking away. "You say you feel things differently than humans. How then, could you possibly know that you "love" me?" 

Sebastian thought about that answer for months, even going so far to study about various forms of human love. Romantic love came the closest. Sexual love. He had an insatiable lust for this human's soul. There was nothing that had ever compared to it in his hundreds of years, or ever will compare to it again, he feared. It was an obsession unlike any other he had experienced. The sex appeal was normal for any demon- or human it seemed. There was no doubt that this Phantomhive boy was a rare jewel amongst the dirt that was humanity. He was breathtaking, really. That core innocence enveloped within bottomless darkness, beautifully wrapped up in a doll-like boy... Sebastian craved to bury himself in him just as badly as he wanted his soul. He wanted to cause him to bleed, sweat, and cry, and lick the pain away too. Ah, but he felt almost guilty thinking of actually injuring the boy. The child had experienced plenty of pain, more than enough for a lifetime, so what the demon wanted to offer him was much, much more pleasurable... 

"As you probably know, demons are rather fond of carnal pleasures," Sebastian began, " often times, their partners don't matter to them as long as they give them what they want, or at least that's how it has been for me until now. After the last few years being in your service, no one else appeals to me more than you." As the demon spoke, he watched the earls expression carefully, and the fact that it remained unchanged while he spoke put him on edge. He was staring at his duvet the entire time. 

"So your idea of love is that you desire my body more than anyone else's? With that definition, the ones who chose to kidnap me, rape me, were in love with me too. " 

Sebastian's eyes went wide, realizing his mistake immediately. "My Lord, forgive me, that is not what i-"

"You do not have to speak to me about carnal pleasures. I know of them quite well. And you will NEVER lay a hand on me as they did. Get out of my room. That is an order. " 

Sebastian bowed with a pained expression, and left without a word. That strange sensation in Sebastian's chest, as though he had been stabbed, had returned. For once, he truly felt as though he had failed as a butler. He truly did not know how to fix this. 

It was hard to remember that the earl actually was a child. The only concept of sex he could understand was from the memories that branded his mind and body. Pain, blood, fear, and force, was what it meant for Ciel. He didn't understand the pleasure that it could bring, and Sebastian felt utterly foolish by saying it how he did. 

Sebastian was no different from those men who hurt ciel. He was no different than any other demon. He did however, without a shadow of a doubt, know that he was in love with this human, as unfortunate as it was. He just didn't know how to say it without sounding sick and perverse, which in fact it was for human standards, admittedly.

The few hours of sleep that Ciel did manage to get were tormented by persistent, horrible dreams about being in that cage and watching his brother die in front of him. Only this time, when Sebastian reached for his hand, he wasn't the savior. His hand pulled him by his wrist and threw him against the bloodied alter. He forced his legs apart, staring over his dead brothers body. He woke up with a shrill scream of terror at the moment when Sebastian tried forcing himself inside him. 

Ciel was in ruins. His heart was broken, and he felt betrayed by Sebastian for saying he wanted him sexually. For his own mind to put Sebastian in the place of those of those men who hurt him was the worst of all. All of the trust he built up with him was gone in a single instant. Hot tears cascaded down his face as he sat there, astounded about such a horrific nightmare. 

Damn him for planting those thoughts into his head. Damn himself for putting them together. He knew for adults, sex was pleasure; means for manipulation, or building a family, but for him, all it meant was terror. sharp and burning thrusts like a red hot knife, heated from hell fire. That was his experience with it. 

Ciel took a moment to catch his breath, and he tried to remind himself that nothing was any different. He was still safe, and Sebastian was still his loyal butler ( that just so happened to want to have sex with him. ) The boy groaned, wiping the tears from his eyes and curling his cold, shivering body up into the blankets. Sebastian should have known better than to say something like that after what he had been through. The expression on his face when he was yelled at for it was pretty interesting though. He saw something genuine in them for once. 

He couldn't sleep for the rest of the night, not like he even wanted to try. He couldn't risk another nightmare where Sebastian was the villain in it. He settled on watching the sun come up thoughtlessly instead. When the sky turned bright, Ciel grew more weary, and threatened to drift off until he was startled by the sound of knocking on his door, followed by tanaka' s voice. He covered his contract eye with one hand and scrambled to put on the eye patch by his bed before the man could see it. Moving so quickly, he hissed in pain from the stretch of his freshly stitched skin.

"Where's Sebastian!?" Ciel demanded. 

"Pardon me, my Lord, but it seemed as though Sebastian wasn't feeling like himself this morning. He asked for me to wake you in his place"

Sebastian had never abandoned his duties as a butler. Not once- though he wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed that he wasn't there. "I see." The boy murmured. 

The day went by with an unusual quietness. The snowstorm had canceled his social engagements, so besides menial, boring work, he didn't have anything to do. Tanaka was the one teaching Ciel his studies, but nothing was retained from them. He was sure he would pay for that later, but right now he had more important things circling his mind. It was going on six in the evening and his demon butler has yet to present himself to him. 

The earl felt as though he was missing his shadow. He expected to see Sebastian behind him, gazing at him with his hypnotic eyes, but was met with nothing when he turned to look. Not that it was a bad thing. He didn't want to see that bastard…

the next day was the same as the first. But the day after that, Ciel was becoming troubled. All of the servants combined weren't performing as well as Sebastian could and it was slowly irritating him. The food was mediocre, his lessons were boring, and when his favorite tea was served to him too watery, he had enough. Where the devil was he? Obviously he had been avoiding the earl, for good reason. Even so, Ciel figured this had carried on too long. He actively tried to find him. He would catch glimpses of his butler through the halls, and chase after him, only to be met with an empty corridor. Eventually he gave up the silly idea of being able to catch up to a demon, and found himself sulking in the study, staring at the dollhouse of his estate. 

He thought about how this happened. It was just a normal day until he asked Sebastian that stupid question. He thought about what happened after and how humiliated he was from running away, only to pass out and be carried by that devil's arms. Sebastian was so perfect it irritated him endlessly. He made it a point over the years to become more difficult in order to attempt to see some flaw within his butler. There was none. He didn't think it was possible for him to have any weakness until now. Looking back, all along, he was Sebastian's weakness. Each time he got injured, it was to protect him, as stated in his contract. In that aspect, if Sebastian did actually love him, it meant he was even more protected from harm's way.

" Ah." Ciel realized, Sebastian was probably trying to protect him right now… from himself. He didn't want to cause the earl unnecessary pain or burden. (In this form) so he must have performed his duties in the middle of the night so the earl didn't have to see him. That was… rather considerate of him. Except Ciel did not take him on as a man servant who did not serve him. It disrupted his routine and caused more trouble than it was worth. This petty toeing around each other would not work for much longer. 

The anger towards his butler subsided over the course of the week. Not seeing him helped, but it also left him feeling empty or enraged that he was being treated sub par by the other housekeepers. When he wasn't studying, he was in the library, reading book after book to try to clear his mind of his infernal butler. 

After being put to bed by Tanaka, one night the Earl laid there for hours with too much energy, and an empty feeling in his chest. As much as he hated to admit it, he missed his cheeky butler. Groaning at the idea alone, he decided to take a stroll to the library to find something to read before bed, as he had been doing the last day or two. In the pitch black, he would slide his fingers along a row of books, and stop on one randomly to choose which one he would read for the evening. After grabbing his book, he held it up to the nearest candelabra, to see his selection. 

Hamlet. Shakespeare. 

A small smile curled the boys lips at the fond memory of the ridiculous play they put on for the children one day. 

"What are you doing out of bed, My Lord?" An exasperated voice asked.

Ciel's heart fluttered rapidly, and turned to face his butler. "Sebastian…" He wanted to kick himself for sounding so excited to hear his voice. 

The demon's brows curled curiously at the Earl. He had a stack of books in one hand, and a lit candle in another. Eventually, a smirk, followed by a little tisk lit up the mans face. "And here I told Tanaka to not let you stay up reading all night." He said, placing the candle on an end table, before putting the books in his hand back into their correct spots. 

Ciel watched the demon quietly as different emotions swelled inside him. Anger, sadness, happiness… 

Once the butler finished, he turned to look at the boy with a soft smile, "you're still here?" 

"Did you mean it?" The earl murmured quietly, holding his Shakespeare book close to his heart. "When you said that you loved me?" 

The butler's expression turned soft, and he kneeled before the boy, taking one of his small hands into his gloved one. "Doubt thou the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love…" Sebastian recited from the book, looking into Ciel's marred eyes.

Nodding in acceptance, Ciel placed a hand on Sebastian's coat sleeve. "Return to my side, Sebastian. Its become... inconvenient.. without you." He childishly looked down at his feet, 

"Yes, my Lord. "

And the demon grinned wider 


	3. Orange or Cherry?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took forfrickenever to update. It's been a minute since I've had time to actually write. This chapter is a bit short but next one may get a little more fun. Wink wink.

"My Lord, it's time to wake up." A voice like silk drifted through his conscience before his eyes were suddenly violated by the horrid early morning sunlight. 

"Welcome back Sebastian. Did you enjoy your little sabbatical?" He huffed, clearly just THRILLED to to be back at his normal routine. He tossed himself over, facing away from the window with furrowed brows. 

"I must admit, it grew rather tedious after a couple days. I'm glad to be in your service again…" the butler said calmly as ever, pouring hot water through black tea leaves. 

Ciel scoffed darkly, "of course you did… dogs enjoy playing fetch for their masters." 

Ah, yes. The young master was back… 

The little lord rubbed his tired eyes after sitting up, and expected his clothes to be draped around him any moment, but when Sebastian hesitated a moment too long, Ciel pouted impatiently. "What is it, Sebastian?" 

"My Lord, are you sure it's alright that I dress you still?" 

Ciel couldn't even hide the eye roll. "Dressing me now is no different than how it has been. Stop being ridiculous and get on with it." 

With a satisfied bow, Sebastian beamed, "Of course, My Lord." 

Ciel would be lying if he said he didn't pay extra attention to how he was being dressed this time. In the end, he was right. It was the same as always. Like nothing ever happened. 

But it did. 

And he was going to make Sebastian pay for it. 

"For breakfast I want coconut cake with blueberries. I don't want any of that other stuff you have." He said dismissively. 

"My lord, breakfast is arguably the most important meal of the day for humans, you'll need something more nutritious than-" 

"Either that, or you won't get to dress me again." Ciel blurted out without really thinking, but the way the demon's eyes narrowed let him know he won. 

"Right away my lord…" And with that, Sebastian, with pink, glowing eyes left the room to fetch the brat what he wanted. How clever, Sebastian thought, for the boy to use his own selfish desires against him in such a way. 

It appeared the lord had discovered a new game… 

The rage that inflamed the demons eyes subsided, and was replaced with a sinister curiosity. He wanted to see how far the little earl would go with these requests of his. What would happen once he ran out of things to threaten him with? 

\-------------------------------------

Ah, Love was a peculiar thing, he supposed. It even inflicted the darkest creatures of hell, or at the very least, caused them to act strangely. It wasn't a bad thing for Sebastian to love him; or claim to love him; he decided with much deliberation over the last few days. In fact, it was rather beneficial, he found out. If lovers argue, one tends to apologize, usually with some sort of gift, and oh, has Sebastian certainly scorned him. 

A cruel grin curled the boys lips. The demon was still in defensive mode around the dastardly human after he had returned to his lords side. He gave in to his every order- (and there were many) as well as go over and beyond to compensate for his blunder from a couple weeks ago. 

If Ciel asked for a cake, he got one, lest he be threatened to never make physical contact with him again. He asked for a parfait, he got one, regardless of time or place. He wanted to cancel a dance lesson, it vanished. 

"My Lord," Sebastian said frustrated, "surely you'll get sick eating all these sweets. Perhaps you should refrain before dinner.." 

"Surely my butler isn't disobeying his master. Perhaps he should bring me my tarte." Ciel quipped, nose stuck in the air, acting like his normal bratty self. Sebastian should have been relieved with that if it wasn't for the ridiculousness of some of his petulant, childish requests. 

"How long do you intend for me to keep indulging you?" Sebastian said with a red flare in his eyes. 

"Until I forgive you, I guess..." The boy purred with a cruel grin, poking at left over crumbs on his dessert plate. 

"You are not getting anymore desserts before dinner, it will ruin your appetite." Sebastian was clearly annoyed, and for a moment, he expected to be yelled at for the tone he spoke in, but instead the boy simply huffed. He was tired of the little threats now, and it was honestly almost worth the punishment than deal with this insufferable brat- 

"I'll let you bathe me without your gloves on if you bring me my tarte." The cherubic boy murmured suddenly. 

Sebastian's thoughts froze at once. "Pardon?" 

"You heard me, demon." 

Oh, what a cruel, sweet, vexing creature this boy was. It wasn't every day they made skin to skin contact - and never for an extended period of time. The few rare chances he did get weren't easily forgotten. That boy's skin was sinfully soft to the touch.. "Surely you jest, master? That would be indecent of a mere butler" Sebastian tested, eyes aflame.

"What about you IS decent? Are you telling me you wouldn't like your reward?" 

"Quite the contrary. Would you prefer orange or cherry, my lord?" 

Triumphantly, Ciel smirked, "Orange would be marvelous, Sebastian." 


End file.
